Antonio Cayonne | Actor

happy birthday to me... - oct. 28, 2015

Antonio CayonneComment
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Birthdays. I think I have a love hate relationship. I don't really ride too high on birthdays - mine or other peoples. I often don't even remember birthdays, shamefully. But I find them SO hard to remember. And people don't often exclaim HEY, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! I know I don't.  

In truth, I really do love my birthday, but they also often get me down. Sometimes I don't even notice it. I start to overthink. Maybe I start to feel age? I get really introspective. I reflect too much on the big picture, taking it apart like a Bob Ross painting episode in reverse.  I start to think about who I am, where I'm at, what I'm doing, why...blah blah blah. I start comparing years, timelines, expectations, wants. I celebrate wins but only in relation to goals. So they are short lived most of the time. On other days, I can celebrate wins no matter how big or small for what they are, but not on birthdays. Somehow this is a day for compare and contrast. Damn you brain. 

I also get a bit weird around being acknowledged for something I had a very small role in. Congratulations really goes to my mother. She did all the work. I just showed up. What a world it would be if we celebrated birthdays by celebrating moms instead. Happy Birthday Wilma. And by proxy, happy birthday Antonio. Way to be born. 

At the same time, when I'm home, I love being able to force all my friends to show up in one place and have a good time. Nothing I like more that seeing ALL my friends at the same time. Mostly because I have amazing friends! I like to think I've carefully curated a really stellar group of humans to accompany me on this trip through time and space. And if my birth day lets me cash in some friend time than I wish I had 12 a year! 

My favorite thing to do on birthdays is to buy lottery tickets. One time, I spent the ENTIRE day biking around Toronto buying tickets. Every spot I found that sold, I stopped at and bought. It was really expensive. It was dumb but it was birthday so ain't nobody could say SHIT to me.  I didn't win. Well, maybe 20 bucks, but seriously, I spent a lot more than that. Another time, I asked all my friends to buy a ticket. If we win we split it. I don't think anyone won that time either. Or one friend is a mysterious millionaire...but I don't think so. So either the lottery is rigged or my birthday is bad luck for gambling. 

OH! One year I decided it was my scotch year. Like having a champagne birthday. So, if you were going to get me a present it had to be Scotch related. I got some great scotches. I also got some great scotch cookies, guard, and tape. Love my friends! The best idea came from one of my best friends, DCS - 30 days of turning 30. That was genius. 30 days of a single date with a single friend, to celebrate together. Dan is smart. 

This year I have no plans, and I'm okay with that. Hopefully I'll get to talk to my Mom and my Sister. My wife has something up her sleeve. We made a pact that we'd always celebrate each other no matter what. So whatever she has planned, I know it'll be thoughtful and lovely. She'll never ever top the Birthday Book she made me, but here's hoping she keeps trying. My roomie (who is one of my desert island picks) is also making me breakfast! That's pretty fucking sweet! Beyond that, I'm just looking at a normal day. Maybe a walk, or a run, or a chocolate bar. Somehow those are all in the same category for me! 

So happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear me-ee
happy birthday to me.