Antonio Cayonne | Actor

We are the Reckoning

Antonio CayonneComment

whaddup. 

The beginnin of something is the end of something else. 

I'm sitting in the waiting area, getting set to fly. I'm really emotional. I knew I would be, I just didn't know what would trigger it, honestly. There were so many options.

Saying goodbye to my wife this afternoon. That almost got me, but I was prepared. We ripped off the band aid and bought into 'bye for now', pretending we didnt know how long it might be, and choosing to focus on our strength and belief in this journey.

Saying goodbye to my mom as she cried a bit, which was lovely and profound. That got me a bit.

Remembering it was my late fathers birthday - that was a factor.  

Handing over my bags. Yep, that got really real really fast.

But sitting here, alone with my thoughts, reflecting on hope and uncertainty, mental fortitude and belief, I'm reminded of a conversation with Peter Katz (www.peterkatz.com) & our scotch crew (Stovis, Bloops, Cookie). We heard the title track of his new album. We were talking about being in our 30s, and what that looks like. How hard we've worked, how that work looks to others, how it really is to us, and how often success feels unattainable, insufficient, or futile. There's no blueprint, just the dark - you feel your way around, you know when its right, you know when its wrong. That's all you got. 

Yet we have this hope.

Not idealism, optimism.

Belief. We believe in ourselves, sometimes when it seems no one does. We push past what we think we have and find gas in the tank past when we were counted out. We are the Reckoning. 

Im sitting here, tearing up, because im reminded of why I'm here in the first place. I wondered what was gonna get me.  As they have many times in the past, Peter's lyrics got me. (These are from my memory so they may not be exact, but you can go to his website and cop the album as soon as it comes out - its gonna be great - the first single 'Brother' is out right now!! http://youtu.be/9QS-G6LnQi0).

'We are the meant to be's, the sum of all that we tried, a tattered history, the ones with nothing to hide, ignore reality, stubbornly will not be denied.'

I'm old enough to have a bit of perspective, young enough to understand the hope, the belief, and the passion inside me. I can no longer look ahead without looking behind me. I still believe in goodness, in people, in the way the world can and should work, in kindness, in rewarding hard work and good work, in perseverance, in love, and I believe we do what we do for a reason. I believe in story, and fearlessly pursuing the privilege to craft stories that help people, in some way or another. 

Its at the core of my belief center.

Then Spilchuk texted me. 'Stay focused and don't stop'.

Noted. Thank you.

Its all i can do.

Stay hungry. Its a buffet out there. 

Gotta fly.  

seriously go to www.peterkatz.com and follow one of Canada's hardest working, most thoughtful, and talented musicians. 

seriously go to www.peterkatz.com and follow one of Canada's hardest working, most thoughtful, and talented musicians.