Change takes time. It's good for me to remember that. Change takes time. Et on n'a que du temps.
I'm having a good day today. I ran. I chatted with a great friend in Toronto. I helped demo a friends soon to be restaurant in Van.
Today, I'm focused. I have my reminders to stay uncomfortable in place. Reminders to get at it. Reminders that I'm away and I'm in a great opportunity. Reminders that the world hasn't forgotten about me.
There are ample reminders to stay uncomfortable already around me - the homelessness and poverty contrasted by the overwhelming beauty of nature. Thqt makes mw uncomfortable. The lack of daily interactions. The lack of intimacy. They all serve a purpose for me. They affect me, and I'm actually pretty grateful, even when I'm overwhelmed by the helplessness of it all. Reminders to stay present, compassionate, hungry, human, and self-aware. As best I can. And reminders that each day is a new opportunity, rather than a second chance, or a failure.
Is so easy to shut off. To close up shop and choose to not be surprised, moved, or affected. It's so safe. And yet so dangerous. This city seems to shut off around the homelessness. I say seems, because who knows what is actually happening, it's just how it appears through my lens. It's a generalization, but it's what I see. A lot of people perhaps ill equipped to understand, who have gone the other way and simply turned it off. And I get it. It's everywhere and it IS overwhelming.
I have to fight against normalizing things every day. I don't want to shut off. Even if it leaves my heart at risk. My heart is already at risk just by being alive. And I want it no other way.
This place is a change for me. I jumped off a cliff.
And I don't want to land. because I think there is something in the falling. Something in the doing. Something in the discomfort.
On n'a que du temps.